WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In his most stunning deal yet with
Democratic leaders, Donald Trump agreed on Friday to be impeached by the
end of 2017.
Emerging from an Oval Office meeting with Senate Minority Leader Charles
Schumer and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, a beaming Trump touted
the deal for his imminent removal from office.
“Chuck and Nancy and I got a deal done on impeachment,” Trump said. “It
was a good deal and it was a fast deal.”
Trump said that the Democrats had convinced him that agreeing to be
impeached would make him soar in popularity. “People are going to love
me for doing this,” Trump said. “They’re going to love it on all the
In a barb aimed at House Speaker Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader
Mitch McConnell, Trump said that the impeachment agreement was something
he “never could have gotten done” with the Republican leadership.
“I went around and around with the Republicans for months on health
care,” he said. “This meeting with Chuck and Nancy took, what, five
minutes, and I could get back to watching TV.”
Hoping to capitalize on their momentum, Pelosi and Schumer said that
they would meet with Trump next week to discuss the ouster of
Vice-President Mike Pence.